Busy month. With UROPs getting so exciting and busy and Flag is coming to an end and the school’s semester is starting soon, there is no time to catch my breath.

Yes, UROPs is really fun, and I definitely have to read up more.

Just ranting.

My exams were fine, just I have to work even harder the next semester, which I have already decided that I will dedicate my whole life into studies and not much of a hall player anymore. I guess this tough decision is the rightful one too.

And so the holiday has started… not really much of a holiday for me though. Flag commitment is great, too much for me to handle. As usual, I try to handle it as calm as possible, and try breeze them, taking one step at a time, which of course over the course of the holidays, I got use to it.

Reservist was kind of relaxing. Friendships were forged again and I really did enjoy my time there (with my friends of course, not the training part).

I feel something in me which is kind of worrying. I don’t know how to explain them, but anyways, it’s just a small matter (I hope).

UROPS is starting and I am kind of excited over it.

I will be able to do even better the next time.

Hall:

1. Conducive environment for studying.
2. Lots of help from friends and lecturers
3. Small bed, a little uncomfortable
4. Hot, cannot really study in the afternoons

Home:

1. Comfortable
2. Far from campus, difficult to contact lecturers when in doubt
3. Have to bring back ALL my textbooks
4. Condusive, no one will disturb

So how?

I guess that change was not a bad change after all. In fact, I was glad I was able to control my bad bad temper of unnecessary flaring up and sorts.

Yes I may complain and whine to people, however that would be forgotten before the day ended. Oh well, I tried to control, but I was on the verge of releasing my anger today, and the lucky part was, I controlled by walking off.

Yes so despite the moment of anger, I was glad I didn’t let off my anger completely, because I knew when that happened, someone was going to get hurt.

And as usual, my complains are: too much work, too little time, no one’s helping not because they are not interested (oh well maybe IMO some are) but they just simply don’t know how. I don’t blame these people, in fact I admire these people who are trying to help and trying to learn. I’ll take my hat off them.

Well if you do happen to read my blog, the subsequent paragraphs are for you:

No, I don’t hate you. You are a nice friend, however sometimes it is just the attitude of yours. (oh wait, I know it’s a little lame to put it in a blog and HOPING someone will read it, but nevertheless, there is nowhere I can place this paragraph other than here). You appeared indifferent to me, and sometimes I really wondered if you are actually interested or not. Maybe I was wrong, but that is the impression I had.

Oh and the spreading of not doing the job well, if you do consider telling some friends about the setbacks happened during presentation as spreading such stuff, then oh well I have nothing to say. I am someone who likes to vent my anger and whine off to someone and hope that person gives me some soothing replies (which happens most of the time and I felt better) and the next day I’ll forget about it. So yea that’s just me, not intentionally wanna tell every single person in the world everything (of course not, who does?) but it was just I was totally pissed off.

Friends are precious to me and I will not want to let go of any if I have the choice. Oh well, all in all, work and fun are completely two different things; the person who you may not work well with, can go bonkers with you the whole night, and vice versa. That’s life, sometimes you have to strike a balance between those two.

So yea, I am of no intention to flame anyone. The reason for writing this post was I felt bad after almost scolded someone to tears and that was why I thought by letting them out here, I would feel better.

I hope I will, because there are still too many things to handle now for me.

Work is piling up, and I cannot start without the materials which was not given to me yet. I foresee they will come at the same time and that will be the time to die.

No I cannot give up, nor I can feel indifferent. I just somehow have to, struggle for my breath, struggle to keep on breathing, to last till the end, to do well in every aspect, because there are people who put high hopes in me…

I am just someone ordinary, trying to do extraordinary things. I am just someone amateur, trying to achieve the professional standard, and no, I shall not give up, for giving up is only applied to people who do not want to continue their string of life, anymore…

I woke up from a neverending dream, from a undying land of peace, tranquility and serenity, to the world of hunger, the world of struggle for power, the world of selfishness which dwells upon every single mankind, this world is just too imperfect, and imperfection is the one which brings the perfect side of each individual…

And no, I will not give up, for no matter how tired am I, how much I have to struggle, how much I feel so indifferent, no, I will not give up…

At least, I am still trying…

Anyways last Saturday was Dinner and Dance 08. Well it was kinda, okay, considered the attendance was pretty bad, I guess most of them are mugging back in the study room in hall eh?

The dance was nice, the food was okay though, oh well, the overall atmosphere was good, had fun, and photos too!

Or course, more photos I have uploaded a bunch in facebook!

and listen…

You know, there is something in you which I noticed when we first met. It was on my birthday, my 20th birthday to be exact. I remembered I offered you a slice of cake, but you rejected it. From far you looked like an angel to me, so I told myself I’d know you more someday.

Months passed and I was always rejected by you when asked for you phone number or just a simple date for lunch. Nevertheless I found ways to meet up with you together with the rest of them, so I had a chance, or at least a chance to get to know you better. Yes, I may not be well off, but at least I was glad to pay some of the stuff you could not afford at that time on your behalf. I was not sure if you fell for it, but from the next few instances, I was sure that you weren’t.

And then came the night we went out until dawn. That was something which had not happened to me for a long time since then; spending time with someone I like. I was glad you revived that moment for me again. It was really sweet, the ambiance was fantastic and the mood was really fine. I loved that night when we sat together alone along the river, enjoying nothing but ourselves.

Yes, how can I not forget about the flowers? I still want to apologise for not dressing appropriately that time, but nonetheless, that was the happiest thing which happened to me. You said yes, and we went to the same spot we first spent our night together, to be together as one.

A year and 4 months have passed, and I am still here so crazy over you. Do you know that sometimes I will smile to myself thinking of how much I loved spending every single time with you? It does not matter how long or how the time is spent; what matters most is I am spending time with you.

You are just floating around in my mind every now and then. You have the sweetest smile and I love it so much that I will do anything just to see that smile on your face. You are the angel of my heart and soul, and of course, in my mind too! Well, I am really glad that you can stand my temper, and you tolerated every now and then. I love you even more when you tried just to make me smile by doing stupid things.

So this is how much I love you. I am bad at expressing feelings, but this is how I feel, and this is how I will feel. I am not a demanding person, neither am I a selfish one. So my request is simple; just be with me, and I am contented with any other thing. That is how I feel, which I do not know how to show. So now you know, don’t you =)

So this is the sweetest thing in my life, my dearest, loveliest, cutest Daphne dear dear.

Well just a few updates: Bought an Olympus camera. Not sure what is the model anyways, and I am not a huge fan of camera. I bought it primarily for my darling to take photos since she doesn’t have a proper one (yea she always uses her phone camera) and oh well, my mother needs a new camera too, so, I killed 2 birds with 1 stone! Anyways I doubt my mother will use it often so yea it will be my darling’s cam! I hope you like it.

Drama fest was a blast! Well I did not have enough time to prepare so in the end we rushed through everything, within 4 days! For that 4 days I came out with cue sheets, lights programming and all that and I managed to survive through! Well although the lights weren’t that fantastic, I was glad it was, well pretty much good considering it was a 4 day job done. And the best part was, my darling was there to watch! Well although it was a small move but, at least someone I love was there to see how much I could do to contribute.

They say men don’t really know how to express their feelings. Well up till now I am still unsure of how to express my true feelings, or at least, to tell people how much I really love them. So, I apologize for my periodic insensitiveness (to my dear) but deep down in my heart, I love you more than you’ll ever know. It is just I cannot really show, or express, or rather, I’ll just do stupid things like buy flowers, walk with u, hold your hands, those small little things you see, and they mean a lot to me!

Guess what, 2 lab reports, 1 presentation, 1 test, 1 dinner and dance coming up!

Well if nothing has happened, it means my life is a total bore, which means I am not achieving anything worthwhile to blog down, which means I am not putting the effort, which means, I am lazy. It all boils down to my weakness; the most irritable one.

When I realised how boring was I half and hour ago, I decided to flip though my photo album. Apparently the latest entry in this photo album of mine was during my JC prom night, which means I did not have any photos taken during my army days and so on.

The past just reminds me how wonderful it was; no worries, no nothing. Friends were all around you, you had fun and no one cared thereafter, you played, and studied and not work and not care about what was happening out there.

I loved the times when I was in secondary school, enjoying every single bit of life. Although some of the teachers were just trying to hunt you down at all costs, I had nice, really nice teachers in general. Not to mention my class was one of the best and most united class of the level, and well, the school maybe?

JC was all about skipping lessons, dare to party, walk around the school like a big shot, sneak out of school to play pool, not doing work and of course, jamming music all the way! What was more rewarding to that?
And the amazing this which I realised is that I have changed quite a bit. I just don’t know how much but, well let’s just say a bit…

I guess.. I guess I have grown up now and start to accept responsibilities. All these written will just remain as memories forever, nothing we could do to return to places which already happened.

I love my memories….

Guess I’ll have to improve myself instead of rotting here then.