Hmm

I would like to do really well for this semester. For that, I have already decided to dedicate my life to studying and mugging. No choice since I don’t have what I used to have… brains…

Busy month. With UROPs getting so exciting and busy and Flag is coming to an end and the school’s semester is starting soon, there is no time to catch my breath.

Yes, UROPs is really fun, and I definitely have to read up more.

Just ranting.

Yes I know

Yes I know I have not been writing recently, in fact it has been 2 months (or close to) since I started to write. And yes, the sudden surge of wanting to write just happens to possess me…

My exams were fine, just I have to work even harder the next semester, which I have already decided that I will dedicate my whole life into studies and not much of a hall player anymore. I guess this tough decision is the rightful one too.

And so the holiday has started… not really much of a holiday for me though. Flag commitment is great, too much for me to handle. As usual, I try to handle it as calm as possible, and try breeze them, taking one step at a time, which of course over the course of the holidays, I got use to it.

Reservist was kind of relaxing. Friendships were forged again and I really did enjoy my time there (with my friends of course, not the training part).

I feel something in me which is kind of worrying. I don’t know how to explain them, but anyways, it’s just a small matter (I hope).

UROPS is starting and I am kind of excited over it.

I will be able to do even better the next time.

Dilemma…

So I have a small dilemma here: Should I stay over in hall, or go home during the reading week?

Hall:

1. Conducive environment for studying.
2. Lots of help from friends and lecturers
3. Small bed, a little uncomfortable
4. Hot, cannot really study in the afternoons

Home:

1. Comfortable
2. Far from campus, difficult to contact lecturers when in doubt
3. Have to bring back ALL my textbooks
4. Condusive, no one will disturb

So how?

I released…

What is so strange about me is that a few years ago I was really bad tempered, and then I changed for the better; I learned to control my feelings, I learned to feel for others, be a little more sensitive, always put myself into others’ shoes and told myself that there is always a reason for something to happen.

I guess that change was not a bad change after all. In fact, I was glad I was able to control my bad bad temper of unnecessary flaring up and sorts.

Yes I may complain and whine to people, however that would be forgotten before the day ended. Oh well, I tried to control, but I was on the verge of releasing my anger today, and the lucky part was, I controlled by walking off.

Yes so despite the moment of anger, I was glad I didn’t let off my anger completely, because I knew when that happened, someone was going to get hurt.

And as usual, my complains are: too much work, too little time, no one’s helping not because they are not interested (oh well maybe IMO some are) but they just simply don’t know how. I don’t blame these people, in fact I admire these people who are trying to help and trying to learn. I’ll take my hat off them.

Well if you do happen to read my blog, the subsequent paragraphs are for you:

No, I don’t hate you. You are a nice friend, however sometimes it is just the attitude of yours. (oh wait, I know it’s a little lame to put it in a blog and HOPING someone will read it, but nevertheless, there is nowhere I can place this paragraph other than here). You appeared indifferent to me, and sometimes I really wondered if you are actually interested or not. Maybe I was wrong, but that is the impression I had.

Oh and the spreading of not doing the job well, if you do consider telling some friends about the setbacks happened during presentation as spreading such stuff, then oh well I have nothing to say. I am someone who likes to vent my anger and whine off to someone and hope that person gives me some soothing replies (which happens most of the time and I felt better) and the next day I’ll forget about it. So yea that’s just me, not intentionally wanna tell every single person in the world everything (of course not, who does?) but it was just I was totally pissed off.

Friends are precious to me and I will not want to let go of any if I have the choice. Oh well, all in all, work and fun are completely two different things; the person who you may not work well with, can go bonkers with you the whole night, and vice versa. That’s life, sometimes you have to strike a balance between those two.

So yea, I am of no intention to flame anyone. The reason for writing this post was I felt bad after almost scolded someone to tears and that was why I thought by letting them out here, I would feel better.

I hope I will, because there are still too many things to handle now for me.

Burnt out

All of a sudden, stacks and stacks of work are upon me and I cannot breathe any further, I need some rest, so really long break…

Work is piling up, and I cannot start without the materials which was not given to me yet. I foresee they will come at the same time and that will be the time to die.

No I cannot give up, nor I can feel indifferent. I just somehow have to, struggle for my breath, struggle to keep on breathing, to last till the end, to do well in every aspect, because there are people who put high hopes in me…

I am just someone ordinary, trying to do extraordinary things. I am just someone amateur, trying to achieve the professional standard, and no, I shall not give up, for giving up is only applied to people who do not want to continue their string of life, anymore…

I woke up from a neverending dream, from a undying land of peace, tranquility and serenity, to the world of hunger, the world of struggle for power, the world of selfishness which dwells upon every single mankind, this world is just too imperfect, and imperfection is the one which brings the perfect side of each individual…

And no, I will not give up, for no matter how tired am I, how much I have to struggle, how much I feel so indifferent, no, I will not give up…

At least, I am still trying…